Saturday, 16 September 2017

Weightloss Re-Boot, Really? The Dread of Stepping on the Scale-Again.

I have been secretly dreading this moment since August 1st.  How can I admit to feeling anxious when my own core belief is to live life enjoying it robustly with Voluptuous ferocity?  But, I am about to get on the scale for the first time in well over six weeks.  My last post ended with my excitement about an upcoming Women's Wellness event in Monterey where I gave a talk, How to Live a Voluptuous Life No Matter Where You Are On Your Weightloss Journey; it was a magical, awe inspiring, humbling a joyous day of sisterhood.  Then, I went on vacation to Vietnam.  With a wild abandon I soaked up the local lifestyle and cuisine.  I felt my jeans tighten... I responded with a happy sigh and another Vietnamese bowl of piping hot and delicious Pho.  I wasn't worried, I was  at peace, knowing that once I return to the North West of England, I will re-boot and reclaim my control.  
It didn't happen.  Instead, I became consumed with new responsibilities at work, opportunities that I had willingly and ecstatically embraced.  As my desire rose to make more of an impact in my life at work, so too, did my old friend.  My OCD.  Obsessively and Compulsively, I threw all of my efforts and time the past several weeks focusing on fear of failure.  In doing so, my eating as gone out the window-so much so, that my stomach has finally revolted-in both senses of the word: rebellious and with nausea.  It (my stomach) has been growling angrily for over a week.  It is actually punctuating every key stroke with a cacophony of gurgles, grunts, tuts.  This past week at least, has included some vegetable matter; and, last night, I had a birthday meal of a healthy Lebanese mezza.  I think it knows something is about to finally happen.  It is.  In the words of Cher from Moonstruck, I am ready to Snap Out Of It!
My OCD and I had a talk.  I reminded it that I am okay if I am not perfect.  I don't need to ruminate hours into the night, keeping me from the precious sleep that I need to function at my best.  I used my pal, Mindful Beditation.  As for my fixed minded fear of failure, I reminded it about Dr. Carol Dweck, and that failure is an opportunity to learn and grow. Rarely is there success without failure and I am not defined by my failure.  Whatever the weight.  I am still okay.  Whatever our weight.  We are all still okay.
Just a reminder from my last post:
I suppose it is time to wrap up this post-just to finish by saying that my current weight is 155 pounds-or, 11 Stone 1 pound.  
Bear in mind, I didn't beat myself up after I didn't lose the extra seven pounds; but, I did weigh 151 pounds before I left for the summer. 
I will be right back with my weight.  Big breath. 
165.5 pounds.  11 Stone 11.5
Okay, I am fine.  I own it.  
I have a plan.  I have Weight Watchers.
Until next week.
I am Voluptuous.
Volup Vavoom

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